it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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