My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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