my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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