Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's never too late to be topless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
