We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
