Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
