Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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