Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
