I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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