I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
