Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
