I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize