i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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