I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize