I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize