Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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