So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
