East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
