the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
