I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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