If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
