are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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