would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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