:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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