I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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