I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
