I skipped work to stalk him.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
