After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
