Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
