So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
