He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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