So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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