Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
