It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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