Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
