So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
