He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
