you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
