You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
