Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize