Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
