please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
