i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
