He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
