He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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