i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
