that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
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So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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