Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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