his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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