best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
