so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
