He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you never un-have a 4some
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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