You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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