I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
