I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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