FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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