If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
