____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
