i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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