Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
