trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
