I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
