Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
