I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
