Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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