Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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