I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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