i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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