sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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