I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
