i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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