I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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