can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
