New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
