He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
