Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
