we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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