i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
