He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
