I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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