i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
