'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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