I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You ruined the universe
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
