u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
