i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want nice things and good sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
